I can't believe that I haven't written since January?? I guess a lot has happened. My cat Meow ended up having surgery on her ear and then just a couple weeks ago, her kidneys were failing and we had to put her to sleep. It was very sad and very sudden. I now have my 21 year old cat here and we have to put her to sleep soon. She won't clean herself anymore. She hasn't in a very long time and is very matted and has big clumps everywhere. She is deaf and starting to pee on the couch. We've had to put green garbage bags or plastic on the couches under her. So it is time for her to go. All she does is eat and sleep and meow very very loud.

I have been very stressed out lately because I am having a bad money year. I am trying to save because on August 3rd I am going to Disney World for 7 days. I am not worried about that money cause I already have $300 put away and all I need it for is souveneirs and stuff. But I have my birthday coming up, fathers day and stuff like that. Just trying to get bills paid and things done.

Met up with A LOT of old friends and aqaintances on facebook. People I thought I would never see again. It's quite a cool place. Well I am going to leave this here. I will be sure to update again soon!

So tomorrow is the day I get to see Pat's little girl. I am so excited! I emptied my camera's card to prepare. lol Well I also found out that I am going to a surprise birthday party on Sunday so I will need pics then too. So it will be a picture fiasco this weekend. I want some to frame and some to scrapbook.

I went to Walmart to pick up a gift for the b-day party on Sunday. I picked her up a gold charm for her necklace. I had so much to say a few minutes ago and now I have drawn a blank. Oohhh I got my CDs from Amazon.com yesterday. If I didn't mention it I took a survey for one of my art sites and I won a $50 Amazon gift card. I was able to get Daughtry's CD and Rockstar Supernova's CD plus I got a book by Louise Rennison. She did the book Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging. Great books if you haven't read them. Very Funny. OK well I am going to leave this here and I should have alot to say by the end of the weekend.

can anyone figure this out......gosh I was crap when it came to this stuff.

You are confronted with the following formula:

A * [(B + C)(D - E) - F(G*H) ] / J = 10

Knowing that each variable is a unique, single-digit, nonzero number, and that C - B = 1, and H - G = 3, what is the number ABCDEFGHJ, where each letter is a digit? For example, if A = 4, B = 2, and C = 7, ABC would equal 427.

Well I just finally uploaded my pictures of my fingers and my Christmas village. I will put them under a cut for your convenience.

( Pictures )

yesterday I decided to do my nails. I painted holly's on them. I tried to take a picture but my batteries were dead. So that is what I am doing tonight, taking pictures of them and maybe a couple new ones of myself. I need a new icon pic. I also got my Walk Away the Pounds tape from Ebay. I did the first 7 minutes. lol My legs were sore. But I am gonna try and do it everyday and work up to longer and longer until i can do the whole thing. It's not just walking, she does kicks and knee lifts too. She mixes it up and all satnding in one area. It makes you sweat too. You should've seen them sweating! Well I forgot to post what I wrote after I talked to Patrick yesterday. I will add it in here after this post. Ok well, I am gonna go. I feel good today. I did my hair today and my nails are done. I also am wearing a nice bracelet. I should talk to Pat more often! lol

Yesterdays post:
Well I called him. After dreaming about him I thought, what the hell!! So I spoke to him for about 20 minutes. We just chatted and I giggled a bit like a love sick puppy does. Funny, I haven't thought about him or anyone like this in a really long time. I guess that's a good thing. I feel confident in myself when I talk to him. All the more motivation for myself. My walk away the pounds video came in the mail today. I can't wait to check it out. I think I may do a bit of it tonight. It's perfect weather to stay inside. These workouts will come in handy. I feel motivated today and I hope it stays that way. I wanna go get myself some clothes at Penningtons with my next check, maybe that will help me feel good. Let's see. It all depends on wether I can find myself a nice red blouse/top for Christmas. THen I am getting myself a pair of jeans. They always make you feel good. I haven't owned jeans in YEARS!! It makes me feel so old! lol I need a better pic of myself too. Time to get all gizzied up and take some pictues!!! Ok that's 2 today, I will leave you alone now.

Ok guys I have been going crazy trying to find a Christmas Layout for this thing!!! If ANYONE knows how to make one or know where I can find one please inform me, please!!! I found one at premadeljs but it doesn't show up properly. Ack, I am gonna go crazy without one!!


HELP, HELP, HELP!!!!!!!!!

This journal is now Friends only!!



Please comment to be added.

Well I went to the movies with Shawna for her birthday on Saturday. We saw The Departed. what is it with Asian remakes. The Grudge was just stupid and this wasn't that great either. It was sorta confusing and some things you never found out about. Some movies may be good in their perspective languages but should never be translated. It was alright but ended stupid. There was also a preview for a movie coming out called 'Bobby'. It's about a bunch (20) of these people meeting the day of JFKs assasination. Talk about major A list cast. Here is a few....Anthony Hopkins, Sharon Stone, Demi Moore, Lindsay Lohan, Joshua Jackson, Laurence Fishborne, Harry Ballafonte, Emilio Estevez, Heather Graham, Helen Hunt, Ashton Kutcher, Elijah Wood, Christian Slater, Martin Sheen and William H. Macy. That is the majority of them. Talk about major bucks just to pay for the actors.

Grrr today is so busy at work. I hate snow and rain. People make such stupid comments to me and I just wanna cry. I get so frustrated and wonder why people would say such stupid things. My dispatcher wanted to know why I get upset so easily. It's called fucking HORMONES and I hate the shit that goes on here. Trying to kick certain people out of the company and push others in. It just makes me mad. Then my mom yesterday making a comment to me and I just wanted to smack her. She can never support me in anything. She just doesn't give a shit about anything. I was telling her the food I would be bringing into the house and she's like.....I wonder how long this will last. Umm hello? I am right here in front of you...and no wonder I have no faith in myself, cause I know, people like my mother has any faith in me. Thanks a lot. I am just a bundle of hormones since yesterday. I totally hate myself and no one is making me feel any better about myself either. Just wonderful.

Here is a song by Weird Al. It's called Canadian Idiot and sung to the tune of Greenday's American Idiot.

Canadian Idiot

Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot
Don't wanna be some beer swillin' hockey nut
And do I look like some frostbitten hose-head?
I never learned my alphabet from A to Zed

They all live on donuts and moose meat
And they leave the house without packin' heat
Never even bring their guns to the mall
And you know what else is too funny?
Their stupid Monopoly money
Can't take 'em seriously at all

Well maple syrup and snow's what they export
They treat curling just like it's a real sport
They think their silly accent is so cute
Can't understand a thing they're talkin' aboot

Sure they got their national health care
Cheaper meds, low crime rates and clean air
Then again well they got Celine Dion
Eat their weight in Kraft macaroni
And dream of drivin' a Zamboni
All over Saskatchewan

Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot
Won't figure out their temperature in Celsius
See the map, they're hoverin' right over us
Tell you the truth, it makes me kinda nervous

Always hear the same kind of story
Break their nose and they'll just say "sorry"
Tell me what kind of freaks are that polite?
It's gotta mean they're all up to somethin'
So quick, before they see it comin'
Time for a pre-emptive strike!

Yes a post. I figured I should since I haven't done a real one in a while.lately I have been spending a good amount of my time on Spark People. I have been doing fairly well. I have found a frozen yoghurt that I really like, so I can steer clear of ice cream. I wanna get smaller plates now so my portions look bigger than they really are. I am hoping that will work. I even walked yesterday and it's raining today so maybe I will do some step ups in my stairwell. Maybe even walk the halls. lol I have even been trying to drink water. I had a bottle already today and will try to have at least 2 more. let's pray. lol That is a big accomplishment in itself because I HATE water. I mean, it has no taste to it.

I just figured out what I am getting my neice and nephew that are living at my dad's. I am getting Alexandra a in home Ballet Studio. They wanted her to take ballet lessons and this comes with a bar and a mat and a dvd...I'll even go to walmart and get her a tutu and some slippers!! Then foe Patrick, I wanna get him this Hot Wheels Cyclone Tunnel stunt set. He loves hot wheels. Then I think I am gonna get them a game for the both of them. That will cost me about $60-70 for all of that, including tax. I wanna go to Samko and pick that stuff up next weekend. I still have to get my dad's movies too. Then I have to concentrate on my mom. She basically needs pj bottoms, like really badly. My dad picked up Shawna's gift for me and I have his money put away. I also ordered Sasha's Gameboy advance game and I have the money put away for that too. So I might get Kayla something small from Samko when I am there and a few small things for Elisha, Ashlee and Liam and I am done. Whew! Well I will have stocking stuffers but that's easy. All this and it's only the beginning of October. I am doing good!!! Ok I think this was a long enough post for a bit.....OH YA, before I forget.....I am suppose to be getting a new computer with Xp on it. A faster one too. I might be getting it this Friday, if not than next. But I am soooooo excited to actually be able to have a computer I can actually do things on!!! YAY ME!!! OK enough talking your ear off. It's almost home time.

Dieter's Prayer


Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked diet.
"We are what we eat," said a wise old man!
And, Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can !

I want to rise on Judgment Day, that's plain,
But, at my present weight, I'll need a crane.
So grant me strength, that I may not fall
Into the clutches of cholesterol !

At margarine I'll never mutter
For the road to hell is paved with butter.
And cream is cursed, and cake is awful,
And Satan lurks in every waffle !

Give me this day my daily slice,
But cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees,
Deliver me from jujubes please !

And when my days of dieting are done,
And my war with Snickers bars is won,
Let me stand with the heavenly throng,
In a shining robe...size seven, long !

I can do it, Lord, if You'll show to me,
The virtues of lettuce and celery.
Teach me the evil of mayonnaise...
Of pasta a la Milanaise, potatoes a la Lyonnaise...
And crisp-fried chicken from the south ...
Lord, if you love me... shut my mouth !

I was saying how I was gonna show some pics from Kayla's b-day. Well here is just a couple.

( Kaylas Bday )

Well just a depressing day again. I think it's the weather, being all rainy for the past 3 days just sucks. I called my friend Pat and wished him a Happy Birthday. I miss talking to him but he is never home. Actually I miss seeing him too. He was just waking up and when I asked him what he was doing for his birthday. I swear he said, "you should know, but they are having a party for me." I asked him if it was this weekend and he said yes. Well if he thinks I was invited, I wasn't. That sucks huh. A guy I have been friends with for 17 years and I'm not even invited to his b-day.

What makes me mad, is people like him and his brother who I have known forever tell me I am their best friend, yet I see them once a year if I am lucky and I never speak to them. How am I their best friend when they know nothing about me or my life anymore. I just don't understand. Actually it upsets me more than anything, cause what I wouldn't do to have a relationship with them on a regular basis. They were the people I felt the most comfortable with, in the whole world, and now I have no one.

Again here I am ranting and raving again being all depressed. All I know is I wanna curl up into a ball and cry my face off. It's nothing in particular causing it, i think it's just one of those days.

Lately I have been so depressed. I just wanna cry. I am trying to lose weight before I go to Florida and I don't think it's gonna happen. That makes me not wanna go. I guess it's cause I don't really have any support and I have no will power. I am very picky when it comes to food and I was getting sick of eating the same thing all the time. It just makes it all not worth it. I wish I liked more food. I wish I was a lot of things. I was very embarrased at a local Sub shop the other day when it comes to my weight and I really don't wish to go into detail right now but it makes me feel terrible. I feel like I have been such a bad friend and I feel like I will never be normal, whatever normal is. I just wanna be able to walk to the store without dying. I won't even go out with friends cause I am embarrased cause I can't do anything. I hate myself sooo much and I just feel terrible. It's really been getting to me lately. I know I should do something about it but it's easier said than done. I wish I could snap my fingers and the weight be gone. I wanna be able to walk across the street and not be in total pain and sweat like a pig. God, I hate me. Sorry please skip this, this is just me getting everything out for my own sake.

I don't feel like I know myself. I am not happy and I don't know if I even know what happy is. My favourite time of year is coming and I don't know how to enjoy it. I've lost all happiness I've had. Grrrr, I hate feeling this way and don't know what to do about it.

It's so weird. Since my mom has been home, today was the first day she has gone out alone. And by that i mean, she went to the bank and then to her old nursing home to visit!! The only other places she goes is Walmart but that is across the street from my house, so that's not really out? ya know? She just called me 2 seconds ago for a taxi to go home!! YAY mom!!

I am going to my dad's tomorrow. He bought a laptop and is computer illiterate, so I must teach them how to use the internet!! He just got it hooked up yesterday and don't know how to use it. haha. But I haven't seen him in a month or so, so I can bring my album and show himi all my summer pictures and return his copy of Narnia. Funny story cause when I borrowed it I brought it back the next week. Well I didn't realise til 2 months later that the actual DVD was still in my DVD player!! lol So I am bringing that back too. The other good thing is that my dad works tomorrow morning and his work is 5 minutes away from me, so he is picking me up. Usually I bus it down and he drives me home. So bonus there!! Anyways it is getting busy here at work so I must stop this rambling.

I am bored to death at work right now. It is noon and I have 3 hours to go. Surfing the net is just no fun when you have nothing to look up. I have a new layout. It's all dark and Halloweenish. Then afterwards it will be all Christmasy!! My favourite! I should start looking now and save the code. Hmmm good idea.

I just found out Aaron Carter was engaged to a Playboy playmate and now they just undid the engagement saying he wasn't ready? Wow, I can't believe he is that old. Also him and Nick are having a reality series starting soon about all of the carters moving in together. I think this celebrity series thing is getting out of hand, but I do enjoy Gene Simmons show. His son Nick is just too funny. I can't believe how well behaved and grounded his children are. They are angels. lol Well I am gonna go search that Christmas layout if I can find one!! lol

You see I wrote like 5 minutes ago and had absolutely nothing to say. I knew I had to update but I didn't know what to add. This will probably be more thoughts than anything. I have started Christmas shopping. Actually I started a long time ago. I have my god daughter basically done. I have to buy her one more thing and she is done. My god daughters sister, Kayla, is just about done too. I have Shawna's b-day present done and I have ideas for all the kids for x-mas except Liam. I have some stuff for my mom, susan, my uncle and my dad. So I don't have much to do. I have also been buying new ornaments for the tree. I am getting a new 7ft White Xmas tree from my dad and I wanna do a blue and silver theme. I already have a lot of blue and silver but I need new ornaments with a tree this much bigger.

Also, Ellen Degeneris has been on this kick of a Life List. It's basically a list of things you wanna do or accomplish in life. She has been trying to make some of peoples life list wishes come true. Well I think I am gonna make one. It will take a lot of thinking but I will try. One of them is to get my drivers license. I have never tried and I have never really wanted to get it until recently. I am 32 years old and I am gonna be a new driver. I think that is way scary!! lol It's expensive though and I think that is one reason why I never did it. I was also scared. I am still scared but I really want it now and I think that is the difference. Ok well I son't have much time left here at work. This is the only real internet time I get cause my computer at home sucks and I need a new one. I have to save for it. That is the first thing I am doing after x-mas. Ok well off I go now! Have a great week!!